"I never pay full price, and my favorite stage of grief is bargaining" - Moving Out
Moving Out is about my divorce. Rio Vista is about my father. And Humans Trying is about suicide, and whatever little spark is there that drives us to keep on living. These are very vulnerable recordings, stripped down arraignments with lyrics laid bare. And some of the lyrics here still feel too personal to highlight and share, and feel much safer left behind in their obscurity. But in the name of vulnerability I want to go against that instinct, and highlight and share what's here once again. Because listening back to these songs this weekend has felt like a true gut-punch for me. Which means that, despite their primitive production and recording imperfections, they succeed at connecting something- even if it is just connecting me with me.
He's trying to connect it back together
the year-end weather isn't helping
he's given up here, he's given up there
he's given up looking, except as
a means to distract from cold setting in
the summer years behind him and not much to show:
a job that keeps him sane, family to not shame
a small furry helpless roommate.
in the parking lot at the store
wondering what's it for
Feel this now and keep trying
She's just trying to keep it all together
her little miracle won't calm down
fear and self doubt, no clear way out
assignments and bills keep piling up
using every ounce of discipline to surrender
again and again and again and again
every day, a leap of faith
and reason to have joy in the face of it all
the future only makes us worry
the past only makes us sad
be present now and keep trying.
while we're here please try to cut me a break, because I'm only trying
while we're here I'm gonna cut you a break, I know you're only trying
I am relieved to say that I can reflect back on these past struggles from a much happier place now. But if you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, help is available - please reach out. In the U.S. the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available to call and talk with someone 24/7 at 800-273-8255.
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